Monday, October 5, 2009

Self Esteem - 3 Secret Tips to Build Good Self Esteem

It is easier than you may think.

It is true that a large percentage of the population have self esteem issues of some sort in different areas of their life. The problem is unless you are able to have a steady ability to believe in yourself and your abilities. Then you are going to have problems succeeding in different areas of your life.

Here are 3 secrets tips to helping you build good self esteem so that you can have success in your life.

1. You need to start overcoming your fears and the things that are holding you back from believing in yourself. If you start to realize the areas that you are having problems with self esteem and then take an active approach to improving that area of your life.

2. Surround yourself with people who love you and believe in you. This is really important for you to have this kind of support. This can be your family, friends, co-workers etc. This helps you get the kind of support that you need to boost your self esteem and feel confident about yourself and abilities.

3. You should start reading motivational learning material everyday. This will help you grow in different areas of your life. Which will help you to become more successful in different areas of your life. I know for me at first I had a hard time finding the time to read motivational learning material. Then I would make it a regular habit to read 15 minutes when I got up in the morning and 15 minutes before I went to bed at night. I was really amazed at the difference it was making in my life and what a profound change I was starting to experience. This help to motivate me to what to read more and more information.

This is your life if you are not happy then it can only get better if you make it happen.

It is easier than you may think once you know exactly what to do.

How to Acquire Self Confidence - The Ultimate Seduction

"Self-confidence gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with failure without feeling that your world has come to an end or that you are a worthless person." - Anonymous

Self-confidence comes with the feeling that you are in control, that you are above the fray and that no one can hurt you physically or emotionally. It's a state of mind that some people enjoy on an almost constant basis while, for others, it may only be felt on very rare occasions.

The lack of self-confidence can be debilitating to the point of ruining a person's life. In the worst-case scenarios, professional help is needed but in most cases self-improvement techniques are enough to solve the problem.

The first thing that a person in search of more self-confidence should understand is that a lack of confidence is not some innate trait. We were all born with a clean slate. At birth, self-confidence was not an issue. Self-confidence is a construct that was formed through living experiences, something that started in our earlier years and has been evolving one way or another ever since.

Second, lack of self-confidence is often attributed to a specific condition such as, being too short, being too tall, not being pretty enough or being from the wrong side of the track. Those have very little to do with the real reason that a person lacks confidence.

Lack of self-confidence is the result of a weak ego and not the result of some physical shortcoming. People of all shape and form as do people of almost every conceivable condition have a healthy self-esteem and a very acceptable degree of self-confidence.

Next, the person who seeks to improve the self-confidence has to understand that every one of us is unique. We have our good side and our not-so-good side. That some people will like us and others will remain cold and that what matters most in getting others approval is the way that we feel about ourselves.

If we don't like who we are and if we don't feel worthy of acceptance, why should anyone else? Others get most of their cue from us to decide on how they will feel about who we are. We are constantly sending messages through body language that reveal our most inner feelings.

Those messages travel below the radar of consciousness but they very accurately reveal to the world how we feel about ourselves. People sense those messages and react accordingly.

All that being said, it becomes evident that the degree of self-confidence is very closely related to the degree of self-esteem or self-love. So, the quest for self-confidence should be done via an increase of self-esteem.

Getting to accept and love ourselves has been called the ultimate seduction. So called because it is the most important of all seductions. With it comes self-confidence and everything related to that most precious possession.

It does not matter from what angle we look at it seduction is seduction. Whether we want to seduce someone else or if the object of our seduction is ourselves, the process is the same. We seduce by being kind, nice, loving, supporting and above all appreciating.

That's how we can seduce someone else and it's also the way that we can seduce ourselves. So, to acquire self-confidence, all that we need to do is to get to appreciate and like whom we are... and the process will unfold naturally.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Self-Esteem and Self-Importance - Effectiveness Vs Self-Deceit

"Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily." - Thomas Szasz

Self-esteem is one thing. Self-importance is quite another. Unless self-esteem is balanced with a true sense of humility, it becomes self-importance. Self-esteem is essential to successful living. Self-importance is anathema to personal growth.

Self-esteem is character driven; self-importance is a creature of the ego. Self-esteem is the natural outcome of strong character traits that comes with personal growth and maturity.

In order to acquire self-esteem it is essential that a person understands and appreciates his uniqueness. That he is mature enough to understand that self-esteem and self-worth are defined by who the person is and not by what he owns or by what place he occupies in society.

Self-esteem is above all self-acceptance. In essence, it means feeling that we are acting with integrity and directed by our values. It is understanding that self-esteem is not imposed by society. That it is self-acquired and self-imposed. And that it has nothing to do with appearance, social status or financial conditions.

With self-esteem come self-confidence and the ability to act. With it, criticism can be accepted objectively, evaluated and either be disregarded or used as a learning tool. And, finally, with self-esteem, doubts in one's abilities are reduced to a minimum and objectivity rules.

On the other hand, self-importance is an ego created useless piece of excess baggage that doesn't fool anyone except its beholder. Self-importance denotes more fragility than power. Rather than inciting respect, it invites ridicule.

Really important people are oblivious of the fact that they are important. They don't have the need to wear the appellation on their lapel. It is like the color of they eyes; something that is visible from the outside but remains unnoticeable from the inside.

If fact, it would be justified to say that most people who are trying to acquire a sense of self-importance and actually striving for self-esteem. The problem is that they are misguided in their efforts. Self-esteem cannot be acquired by lording over the mass. It can only be acquired by mastering self.

Self-esteem is self-approval. It is accepting self and viewing personal limitations as opportunities for personal growth rather than character flaws. We are all work in progress. Our past does not equate our future. Our past mistakes were learning experiences, not self-defining incidents.

A solid dose of self-esteem is one of life's most precious possessions. Without it, a rich man is a pauper, with it; even a pawn is a king. Some were blessed with the gift; others have to work to obtain it. Not always an easy task.

The quest for self-esteem has been called the ultimate seduction. So called because once achieved, we can never be alone again. Forever and ever we'll be with the best friend that we could ever have, ourselves.

The Importance of Personal Growth Development

We have all seen them, those people who never seem to break a sweat when the going gets tough, those people who always seem to maintain a sunny disposition and very seldom appear to get worked up over what we often later consider the small stuff. They also always seem to have time to stop and smell the flowers, to borrow a time tested cliche, and manage the difficulties that come their way with poise and grace. It can be very frustrating for everyone else who may be experiencing difficulties and problems in their lives to watch these people always moving forward, towards their hopes, goals and dreams. But, did you know that you too could be one of those people? It is true. Most of the people who appear to have achieved balance in their lives, do so with a personal growth development plan.

That is, they take it upon themselves to take a good, long, hard look inward and identify their strengths and weaknesses. Once this is complete, they then go about the task of creating a personal growth development plan in order to maximize their strengths and work on their weaknesses. It is not always easy, to be sure, but the results can have such a significant impact on the overall quality of a person's life that it seems more and more people are taking control of their emotional well being by taking charge of their personal growth development.

The way it works is simple: think back to when you had a review with your boss and he-or she-went over your strengths and weaknesses as they pertain to your job. Often during these review sessions, you will work with your boss to prepare a job development plan, such as things you can work on to improve the numbers in your department, steps you need to take in order to move to the next level in your career and so on and so forth. The personal growth development plan works in a very similar manner only for you, as a person. For your mental health, for your well being, to provide you with a way to manage your stress and let the small stuff roll off your shoulders so that you have more room for happiness in your life. By taking charge of yourself, you are empowering yourself to be a better person, which in turn will help provide you with incredible opportunities.

The Importance of Self Improvement

Quite often we all get wrapped up in our fears and insecurities, so much so that we find ourselves wishing that we could be someone else. When we feel like this we start to believe that most people are better than us, this of course is not the case and the truth is that most people are more scared than we are.

Picture this; you are having a night out at the local bar, you see this quite attractive person sitting alone in a corner sipping a glass of wine. You think wow; this person appears to be so calm and full of confidence. However if you were able to read this persons mind, you would see a whole lot of negative thoughts. You might just be amazed to read in this persons thoughts, "is everyone talking about me, I wish people wouldn't look at me, why wont people approach me and talk to me, I wish I looked as good as them."

You see a young and vibrant business entrepreneur and think "Wow... what else could he want from life?" If only you realized that when he looks in a mirror he thinks "I hate my eyes, I wish my friends would talk to me, I hope mum and dad can sort out their differences".

Isn't it strange? When we look at other people we envy them and wish we could be them, at the same time they look at us and think the very same things. We compare ourselves to other people and become consumed with insecurities, and those other people are doing the same thing when looking at us. We all suffer from low self esteem; we lack self confidence and eventually we believe that self improvement is impossible to achieve.

You will always be the last person to realize that you have some bad habits, such as biting your nails, perhaps you have a foul mouth, and maybe you talk too much. Everyone around you will notice these bad habits, and unless a friend points this out you will continue to be very irritating.

A friend of mine has a bad habit of talking a lot, in fact that is an understatement. She never gets tired of talking. And it would appear that in most conversations, she is the only one interested in the things she has to say. Because of this our other friends always try to avoid any group she is in and she has not noticed how much she has become handicapped socially. This bad habit also begins to affect others in her social group.

A key to benefiting from self improvement is to discuss your problems and fears with a trusted friend. Talk to someone who you feel comfortable with, open up to this person, discuss all of your fears and anxieties. Do not be afraid to ask difficult questions, such as, "do you think I am bad mannered?", "Do I always come across as being argumentative?", "Do I talk too loudly?", "Do I have bad breath?", "Do you think I am a boring person?" Doing this, the person you are talking with will understand that you are willing to improve yourself. Be willing to accept comments and criticism, do not give answers like, "you're exaggerating!" Open you're heart to this person and you may find that you will also be helping you're friend to improve him or her self.

A song by Whitney Houston says "Learning to love your self is the greatest love of all." This is quite true. For you to love others you must first of all learn to love your self. Remember, if you do not have love in your heart then you cannot give love.

Before trying to instruct people on how to improve themselves, show them that you yourself have become successful and are now a much better person thanks to self improvement. Self improvement can and does make us better people, we can then go on to give inspiration to other people, and then we find that everyone else will follow.

Stop thinking of yourself as being a second rate person. Get rid of those negative thoughts, such as, "Why can't I be rich... I wish I was slim" and so on. Accepting yourself for who you really are is the first step to self improvement. You must stop comparing yourself to other people; doing so will only give you even more reasons to envy them.

We all have insecurities to deal with. None of us are perfect. We always wish for better things, better looks, better bodies, etc. Life does not need to be perfect for you to be happy. Self improvement is a way to a better life, to being contented and learning to love yourself. You do not have to shout to the world that you are perfect. When you begin to improve yourself, you will start to feel happy and you will be filled with contentment.